� #1
Old 01-19-2010, 04:57 PM
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Out of sight
Posts: 237
liverock is on a distinguished road
Default The Darwin Awards

>>> The Darwins are out!!!!
>>> .
>>> Happy New Year! ! !
>>> Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the
>>> Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
>>> Here is the glorious winner:
>>> 1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his
>>> intended victim during a hold-up in Provo , Utah would-be robber Jason
>>> Ellison did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
>>> barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
>>> And now, the honorable mentions:
>>> 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a
>>> meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a
>>> claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent
>>> out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and
>>> he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
>>> 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for
>>> his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a
>>> woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
>>> 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean
>>> bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
>>> transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped... Not wanting to
>>> admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
>>> everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to
>>> the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very
>>> excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't
>>> discovered for 3 days.
>>> 5.. A teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
>>> head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received
>>> the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how
>>> close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
>>> 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on
>>> the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash
>>> drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register,
>>> which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk
>>> and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash
>>> he got from the drawer... $15. If someone points a gun at you and gives
>>> you money, is a crime committed?
>>> 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He
>>> decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
>>> window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and
>>> heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and
>>> hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor
>>> store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on
>>> videotape.
>>> 8. As a female shopper exited a South Carolina convenience
>>> store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
>>> immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description
>>> of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.
>>> They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then
>>> taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which
>>> he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse
>>> from."
>>> 9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man
>>> walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a
>>> gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
>>> couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
>>> ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
>>> breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

>>> 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor
>>> home parked on an Atlanta street, he got much more than he bargained
>>> for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next
>>> to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the
>>> man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose
>>> into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle
>>> declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever
>>> had.

>>> In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these
>>> with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by
>>> chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad
>>> they are distant and hope they remain lost.
>>> *** Remember....
>>> They walk among us, they vote, and they breed!!!***
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� #2
Old 01-20-2010, 06:52 AM
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Northern Ky.
Posts: 831
My Mood: Cheerful
EarlyBird is on a distinguished road
Smile Awards

Hilarious! Jay Leno told a stupid criminal joke last night - A man called 911
to report a would-be robber stuck in a window of his neighbor's home and
needing help to get unstuck. The 911 operator asked for the address and
who the caller was. .......It was the caller! He was arrested!
May you always have..Love to Share, Health to Spare, and Friends that Care!
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� #3
Old 01-20-2010, 02:29 PM
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Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Jersey
Posts: 142
My Mood: Cheeky
Cookie is on a distinguished road

Oooh they were funny to read!

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.
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� #4
Old 01-20-2010, 09:23 PM
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Illinois
Posts: 811
Mad Scientest is on a distinguished road

I like 4 &10
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� #5
Old 01-21-2010, 05:26 PM
Cookie's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Jersey
Posts: 142
My Mood: Cheeky
Cookie is on a distinguished road

#4 is a riot!

The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.
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� #6
Old 01-21-2010, 07:20 PM
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 265
D Bergy is on a distinguished road

Who would have received the award in the case of #4?

The bus driver?

The passengers?

Or the doctors who took three days to discover they did not have mental patients?

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