I�m not old.
I�m chronologically challenged!

Campbell�s large type alphabet Soup.
For �Seniors" only.

I must be getting old.
All the name in my phone book end with M.D.

I�m so old that whenever I eat out
They ask me for money up front.

One good thing about Alzheimer�s
You get to meet new people everyday.

Any day above ground is a good one

Support bingo!
Keep grandma off the streets.

My wife gives me sound advice.
99% sound, 1% advice

When Grandma goes to court:

In a trial, a Southern small town the prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked �Mrs. Jones do you know me?� She responded. �Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams, I�ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you�ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you�re a big shot when you haven�t the brains to realize you�ll never amount to anything more then a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, �Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?�

She again replied, �Why yes I do. I�ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He�s lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can�t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on this wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him.

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice said,

�If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I�ll send both of you to the electric chair.�

^ LOL!! ^




Wicked Hubby-

An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.

"Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" the officer said.

The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"

"He said you were speeding!" the old man yelled.

The patrolman then asked, "May I see your license?"

The woman turned to her husband again, "What did he say?"

The old man yelled back, "He wants to see your license!"

The woman then gave the officer her license.

"I see you are from Arkansas," the patrolman said. "I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."

The woman turned to her husband again and asked, "What did he say?"

The old man replied, "He said he knows you!"

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!"


"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

The latest 'Oldies' bumper sticker.

1969: Doing everything to look like Mick Jagger or Elizabeth Taylor.
2009: Doing everything NOT to look like Mick Jagger or Elizabeth Taylor.

1969: Going to a hip joint.
2009: Getting a hip joint.

^Lol

This has been passed around for awhile, but I still laugh every time I read it.

Grandma's Letter
She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car.

She writes:
Dear Grand-daughter,
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a Honk if you love Jesus bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.
Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed.
I found that lots of people love Jesus!
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,
' For the love of God! '
' Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!
Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.
My grandson burst out laughing.
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!
A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection.
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.
Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!


Will write again soon,
Love, Grandma

Yeah Cookie! I've seen that one before - lotsa times and still laugh at it.
All of these jokes are sooo good; thanks for an enjoyable morning of
laughter/smiles.

__________________
May you always have..Love to Share, Health to Spare, and Friends that Care!