HAHA!!!! That is hilarious, pinballdoctor! Thanks for the laugh! Here's one ..maybe not quite so funny but good for a chuckle. Good medicine
A guy dies and he gets up to the pearly gates. St. Peter tells him, "No, I'm sorry, I don't see your name in the Book of Life, you're going to have to go to hell."
The guy is just devastated thinking that he deserves to live in splendor for the rest of time. He tells St. Peter, "There has GOT to be a mistake, my name HAS to be in that book of yours. I was the CEO of the largest corporation in America, I have NEVER been excluded from anything, PLEASE look again."
St. Peter looks again and the result is the same, no name in the big book.
The guy says, "Well, there has GOT to be something you can do, let me talk to your supervisor." St. Peter says, "That's not possible, you have to live in Heaven before you can talk to Him."
The guy says, "Well, would YOU go talk to him on my behalf and tell Him that I will do ANYTHING to get into Heaven, ANYTHING at all." St. Peter agrees and trudges up the diamond paved road over the hill and disappears. A while later he comes back and says, "Good news for you! Heavenly Father says if you can think of ONE good thing you did for the Church or even another human being while you were on Earth, He would reconsider letting you in."
The guy thinks and thinks. It's not easy coming up with something for someone who was so selfish and egotistical.
Then it hit him.....He goes back to talk to St. Peter.
"OK, you said if I can think of ONE thing I did for the Church or another human being while I was on Earth He would let me come into the Kingdom and live for all eternity. I have one thing I did. I put $5.00 in the offering plate just last Sunday at church."
St. Peter goes back down the diamond paved road, trudges back up the hill and then after a while returns. He says, "OK, I told Him what you said and he told me to give you your 5 spot back and tell you to go to hell."