\r\n \r\n Funny One-Liners
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\n* 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
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\n* A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
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\n* A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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\n* A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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\n* A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
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\n* All generalizations are false, including this one.
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\n* Always remember you\'re unique, just like everyone else.
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\n* Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
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\n* Be nice to your kids. They\'ll choose your nursing home.
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\n* Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
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\n* Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you\'re a mile away and you have their shoes.
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\n* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
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\n* Borrow money from a pessimist, they don\'t expect it back.
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\n* Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
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\n* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
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\n* Corduroy pillows: They\'re making headlines!
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\n* Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
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\n* Don\'t take life too seriously, you won\'t get out alive.
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\n* Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
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\n* Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
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\n* Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
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\n* Experience is something you don\'t get until just after you need it.
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\n* For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
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\n* Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
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\n* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
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\n* Honk if you want to see my finger.
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\n* How does Teflon stick to the pan?
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\n* I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
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\n* I didn\'t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
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\n* I don\'t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
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\n* If at first you don\'t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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\n* It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
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\n* Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
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\n* No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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\n* Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
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\n* Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
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\n* Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
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\n* The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
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\n* The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
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\n* The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
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\n* The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
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\n* Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
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\n* Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
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\n* You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you. \r\n

\r\n __________________
\r\n "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanual Kant~
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