I met this girl in my Italian class in September, and I really liked her. I barely talked, or looked at her in the eyes. Finally, like in January, I told her how I felt, and we were talking almost every day. We met once outside, and talked a lot. Though, technically, we haven't been going out as a boyfriend or girlfriend. After a month of talking, she had told me she is still thinking about if it will work or not. And she really doesn't seem sure. We met yesterday after school, and talked in the park. She said if I asked her 2 weeks ago, she would have definately said yes, but now she still has to think. She said she'll have an answer for me sometime this upcoming week. She still hasn't told me why she has to think about it, and now it is just making me so upset, because I'm worried about her saying no. If she says no, IDK, I will never find a girl like her. (She is the first girl I've gotten close with, and I'm 16)

Raging hormones. Sorry about that. It is a "right of passage".

It's true that you won't find another girl like her. Consider that you might find another girl even more compassionate and lovely though.

Hoping and praying, called passion, that she will say yes probably won't help you either. Unfortunately, patience is very important here. Some things just need time to grow. Decisions made with emotions are not good at all. I don't mean that love should be shunned to make a better decision though. I mean 'passion'. That's what gets in the way of decisions. Those decisions are weak and not lasting.

Please have patience. As I said, most all things need time and nurturing to grow.

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- Jim
"The most powerful force ever known on this planet is human cooperation � a force for construction and destruction.� (Jonathan Haidt)

Don't give her the chance to say no, just try to stay with her longer, ask her out, and get closer day by day. As just me said, be patient. Good luck!

Well, she is basically thinking of the future. Like, before anything has happened, she already is thinking if it would work or not. Can you guys tell me if this would be good to tell her?

"Rebecca, the one thing you have to realize is that thinking about the future too much won't determine if something can work or not. I mean, if everyone always thought like that, then nothing could ever be in life. When people first go out, and people first decide to get married, or become friends, are they really thinking about if their situation won't work out? No, they think about now. Why? The only way to determine if something will work or not is going along with time. If we are going out, and you see it's not what you want, I'll understand more. But right now, we don't even know if it could have worked or not, and the thought of me never knowing if it could have can be upsetting"

That's sweet; and it is a good start. It's kind of like she should not wish her life away.

What I mean is that it is not good to dwell on the past or the future. However, you do have to think of the consequences of your decisions. That's the time to think of the future and possible scenarios. Only the consequences. Maybe that's what she is thinking. Consequences. It is a good idea to let her talk. If you love her and it is mutual, it will be a good conversation. The love will be stronger; because she will have resolved it in her mind. If she scares herself, all you should need to do is assure her that there will be no pressure. Just be friends and grow closer in time.

I seem to have done that in my life. I could not wait until I was old enough to drive. I could not wait until I was old enough to finish high school. ...old enough to move away from home. ...old enough to vote. ...old enough to start my career ...old enough to retire. Now, I can't wait until I'm old enough for Social Security (one more year); then old enough for Medicare. I'm wishing my life away.

Just don't hurry life. Why worry? Be happy.

and try not to scare her away with too much pressure of requiring a decision.

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were." - Richard Bach (American writer).

well, I'm going to give her that letter, and see how she feels. I'm going to ask her to go out with me so she can be 100% sure it won't work

Good move. I'm routing for you.

Just consider that you can't change someone's personality easily. If she is a worry-wart, that may be with her for most of her life. Consider it endearing and a good balance for you both.

The problem I see with many marriages is that one party has too high expectations of the other; or one party wants to change the other into being something that they are not (manipulative). I'm pretty sure you can work this out. You sound very considerate.

*edit* Just change the word, marriages, to relationships. Still works.

Since she is already messing with your head, I would avoid her like the plague. Unless you enjoy that sort of thing.

Just a jaded middle age mans opinion.

Good Luck.

Dan

Yep. She's messing with your head, may not be intentional, just ignorance about what a real relationship is. Learn from it. Don't get attached and be ready to move on. There are people out there who are more in the moment and not so contriving.

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I think you need to change gears, and confuse her "game." You're spending wayyyyy too much time talking about nonsense things, and too little time having fun.

Try bringing something interactive to do together (cards) instead of getting into these "deep talk" sessions.


ps. not a good idea to put things in writing as they get shown to friends.................

Wow Spidey, Im not sure you want me to weigh in on this conversation!!!!! My personal opinion, is that 16 is too young to be getting so involved that they would even discuss marriage... My opinion, is that the world is forcing teens to become grown ups too soon.... My opinion, is you need to "play hard to get" in a sense.... If you show her that you value her as a person and a friend, but that the dating thing should come in the future, you might aquire a great lifelong friend... My beliefs are that you need to focus on becoming the great person that you were meant to be first, let that be your first priority, and let God bring your mate to you in the right time. We seem to rush relationships too fast... How can you give all your love to one person for the rest of your life, when you dont even know if you love yourself. I have told my children all their lives, that God has one specific person for them.... your rib is in your perfect mate somewhere out there in this big old world (the book Of genesis)and if you wait for God, He knows who that girl is, and she will be perfect for you. God will bring her to you at the right time... I dont believe in dating, and I dont believe in kissing or having sex until a person is married... In the olden days (ok, when I was married back in 1975) the priest or pastor after having the couple repeat their vows, he would turn to the husband and say, "you may now kiss your bride" I believe, that the very first kiss between a man and woman should be saved for the wedding day. I believe that kissing and dating and all the forplay is the reason why so many marriages fail today.. I believe that ...anyway....Im rambling.... I think you need to decide between whether you want this girl for a friend forever or just for a girlfriend for a short time.... If you want her forever in your life, then treat her with the love and respect that you would treat your very best friend... dont talk about dating and marriage and sex, but do talk about her, and you, and life and all the important things in both your worlds... be there for her when she needs a friend, be there for her when she needs a sounding board, and be there for her on the boring days when life is just there... as long as she knows that she can trust you as a friend and that she can lean on you without the idea that she has to have sex or a physical relationship with you in order for you to be there, you both could end up being the best of forever friends... and who knows, maybe she is the person God intended for you to be with.... and if so, by that time, both you and her will know for sure... Slow down Spidey, your missing a life time of great memories by going too fast!!!

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God is and all is well
~John Greenleaf Whittier~

Thats exactly what I was thinking.

Things would only get worse from there...

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Let Food Be Your Medicine And Medicine Be Your Food.(Hippocrates)

Most adults are just so happy to be as far away from their teenage years as they possibly can be. They realize that their brain finally found residence in the head.

Consider it an adventure. People learn from tests and difficulties.

If you were a farmer, would you plants seeds in poor soil? That would be stupid as one cannot expect much from seeds that are planted in poor soil. Your expectations can rise with respect to seeds that are planted in fertile soil. I see the female who shows little or no interest in my advances as poor soil. The one who gives me some encouragement is seen as fertile soil. You do not seem to be getting much encouragement. Stop wasting your time. Other females are interested in you. Look!

Well, this girl was telling me how if she was ever in a fight that I wouldn't be able to stick up for her, and said I'm too serious all the time and all. Then she is saying how she still isn't sure and has to think about if she can be my girlfriend. So, we are still talking and everything. She also mentioned how she would refuse to be the one to make a first move in a relationship (and I made none). We are going to hang out next Monday, and I'm thinking that I should try making a move (kissing her) and see what happens.