THESE REALLY WORK!! I checked this out on Snopes and it's for real! ...
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU NEED ONLY TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
THOUGHT for the day:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN THEY'RE PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
SOME ADDITIONAL ADVICE:
NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, TAKE A LAXATIVE AND SLEEPING PILLS ON THE SAME NIGHT
Solstice Goat: Yes, urine is a great fertilizer. Flushing it down the toilet is a huge waste AND destructive to the environment to boot. I just don't understand why people do that and then go out and buy fertilizers for their garden. Besides, urine has lots of trace minerals and other beneficial substances too. It's free and it's better then most fertilizers out there, and yet thousands of gallons of it go to waste everyday.
"Humanure" makes a great fertilizer too, but you have to be careful and properly age/compost it to destroy any possible pathogens + toxins.