Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect girls getaway trip -
Shopping, casinos, massages, facials.
Two days before the group is to leave Mary's husband puts his foot down and tells her she isn't going.
Mary's friends are very upset that she can't go, but what can they do?!!
Two days later the three get to the hotel only to find Mary sitting in the bar drinking a glass of wine.
"Wow, how long have you been here and how did you talk your husband into letting you come?" they ask.
"Well, I've been here since last night," remarks Mary.
"Yesterday evening I was sitting on the couch and my husband came up behind me and put his hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled his hands away and found that all he was wearing was his birthday suit. He took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room was scented with perfume, had two dozen candles and flower petals all over.
And on the bed.......... he had handcuffs and ropes!
He told me to tie and cuff him to the bed, so I did. And then he said, "Now, you can do whatever you want."
So, here I am."
The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease
Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $200 million."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" the person in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
Three friends married women from different parts of the country.
The first man married a woman from New Hampshire.
He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.
It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home
to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man married a woman from Florida. He gave his
wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and
the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but
the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw
his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a
huge dinner on the table.
The third man married a girl from New Jersey. He ordered her
to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry
washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said
the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he
didn't see anything, but by the third day, some of the
swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his
left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix
himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he pees.