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Old 09-24-2017, 08:52 AM
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Default Need help with a cousin issue


I have a cousin who is now 58 and when she gets depressed or overwhelmed she decides to be rude and nasty. Mainly to me, but also with others and anything sets her off. Especially saying anything negative about MDs or doing anything differently than she does. Any ideas?
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Old 09-24-2017, 01:13 PM
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She could probably benefit from a visit to a behavioral health-care provider, who could evaluate her condition, perhaps authorize some short term medication to help, with the goal to find a long-term therapeutic remedy.
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Old 09-24-2017, 02:01 PM
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TY But I guess she will have to figure that one out on her own. I can just imagine telling her to go see a behavior specialist. She will lose it
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Old 09-24-2017, 02:37 PM
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I have a similar problem with a much loved relative, I have to be very careful what I say and how I say it and even then there is upset of some sort.

I have been wondering is it's a form of depression or adrenaline fatigue, haven't figured out how to broach the problem yet, still walking on egg shells here.
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Old 09-24-2017, 09:46 PM
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TY But I guess she will have to figure that one out on her own. I can just imagine telling her to go see a behavior specialist. She will lose it
Yes, easier said than done, for sure. My sister-in-law is bipolar, getting her on treatment was a chore. Keeping her on her meds was a bigger chore, for several years.
She is stable and on an even keel now, good for her.
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Old 09-25-2017, 04:39 PM
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I have a similar problem with a much loved relative, I have to be very careful what I say and how I say it and even then there is upset of some sort.

I have been wondering is it's a form of depression or adrenaline fatigue, haven't figured out how to broach the problem yet, still walking on egg shells here.

I mean it is like ANYTHING I say and she gets upset and will get on my case. Also, anything I do she will get on my case big time. I told her I paid off my cell phone bill 6 months in advance so I do not see a bill for six months and she says That is the stupidest thing I ever heard of, what if you die? And she is outright nasty towards me about everything much of the time. I am sure it is some type of depression. And I take the high road and never hit back. But what bothers me is that she will question my actions sometimes and I have to think for a few seconds before answering. I am taking care of an elderly parent and can only leave for 4 nights at most which means 3 nights when I arrive on vacation. She became pissed at me when she found out I went to Scotland more than once and said why do you have to go back and I thought for a few and replied with because I have a short time there, there are more things I wanted to see and she was fine with that answer. But if I was to ask her, you have been to florida, why do u keep going every year back to the same place she would lose it
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Old 09-25-2017, 04:40 PM
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ALSO, it definitely does not help that I believe in alternative treatments because she views doctors as gods
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Old 09-25-2017, 08:53 PM
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Sounds similar to my situation, I have been searching for answers myself as to what,why and how to handle it, this I found that makes some sense of why though not really helpful in how to deal with it. Could it be that she is depressed/angry and by putting you down constantly is trying to elevate herself? or is taking out her frustrations on you because you listen to her.

Two important points to remember are that criticism is often made at a time when a person is angry, hostile, or upset. At other times it occurs when an individual has been reminded of something in their own life which represents an area of weakness, inadequacy, or basic fear. Rather than admit this to themselves, they often project their fears or inadequacies on others in the form of derogatory remarks, sarcasm, or critical comments. Understanding this motivation, the receiver can see there is not real basis for the criticism.
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Old 09-26-2017, 04:29 PM
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Sounds similar to my situation, I have been searching for answers myself as to what,why and how to handle it, this I found that makes some sense of why though not really helpful in how to deal with it. Could it be that she is depressed/angry and by putting you down constantly is trying to elevate herself? or is taking out her frustrations on you because you listen to her.

Two important points to remember are that criticism is often made at a time when a person is angry, hostile, or upset. At other times it occurs when an individual has been reminded of something in their own life which represents an area of weakness, inadequacy, or basic fear. Rather than admit this to themselves, they often project their fears or inadequacies on others in the form of derogatory remarks, sarcasm, or critical comments. Understanding this motivation, the receiver can see there is not real basis for the criticism.
Good questions and I have no answer other than she is a control freak for sure, but I am at that point where I do not care anymore. If I am to be abused no matter what, why have any contact?
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Old 09-26-2017, 10:20 PM
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Good questions and I have no answer other than she is a control freak for sure, but I am at that point where I do not care anymore. If I am to be abused no matter what, why have any contact?
Quite frankly, there is no reason to allow someone to use you as a "punching bag", regardless of what that person's "condition" is.

If I were in such a situation, I would see two alternatives:

1. show [yes] anger with that kind of treatment, and voice resolve to not tolerate that behavior.

2. Sever contact, explaining why first. This would be difficult to do with a relative, at least for myself.

Best of luck
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Old 09-27-2017, 08:28 AM
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Good questions and I have no answer other than she is a control freak for sure, but I am at that point where I do not care anymore. If I am to be abused no matter what, why have any contact?
Some people are just set in their ways and have a deaf ear when it comes to alternative options. Many people follow the advice of doctors their whole lives and won't even consider using supplements or other methods.

Funny thing is, these same people are on statins and losing their memory, are on insulin when they could do things to reverse their diabetic symptoms, are taking prescription acid blockers for heartburn and reflux several times a day, when they could take a healthier route, etc.

She may think about what you said after you're gone, but she'll only make changes when a bell goes off in her head and she wakes up.....that may never happen despite your good intentions.
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Old 09-27-2017, 01:59 PM
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Some people are just set in their ways and have a deaf ear when it comes to alternative options. Many people follow the advice of doctors their whole lives and won't even consider using supplements or other methods.

Funny thing is, these same people are on statins and losing their memory, are on insulin when they could do things to reverse their diabetic symptoms, are taking prescription acid blockers for heartburn and reflux several times a day, when they could take a healthier route, etc.

She may think about what you said after you're gone, but she'll only make changes when a bell goes off in her head and she wakes up.....that may never happen despite your good intentions.

It is called normalcy bias and people do not want to open their minds on some issues.
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Old 09-27-2017, 09:15 PM
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Their loss Saved, if they refuse to even hear.
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Old 10-05-2017, 05:23 AM
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Their loss Saved, if they refuse to even hear.
These type of people tend to be provincial and closed minded. I do not respond negatively but she has told me I am an idiot for buying organic food. That s another thing I have seen, people who are totally closed minded to organic food tend to be closed minded on other things as well
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Old 10-24-2017, 08:38 AM
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We do thanksgiving at my cousins house and Christmas and easter at another cousin's house. I sent my cousin a message this morning that my mom and I will not be doing thanksgiving at her place and we will see her at Christmas. The way I feel, no matter what I say, she will interpret it as something to get mad over. Better to remove myself from any drama which statistically will occur.
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