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  #16  
Old 08-08-2009, 07:01 PM
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Stronger vocabulary and longer sentences are looked at when these essays are read. I made another version with slight changes. Tell me if it is any better (I am not 100% finished)

Various characters can have an influence on people, whether they come from fiction, creative work, or perhaps be a historical figure. One such character is known as Iago; he was the villain of Othello, written by William Shakespeare. This man is also known as one of the most evil villains of literature, but Iago was a very intellectual, cunning man who has the ability of gaining control of the situation when he wanted to do so; keep in mind that his nefarious intrigues are not where his influence originates, but only comes from his insightful mind.

Although Iago has an abundance of intelligence, he is exceedingly envious of Michael Cassio. Othello granted Michael Cassio a high position in the Venetian army, lieutenant, a position which Iago truly desires. This caused Iago to lust for revenge against Othello. He was capable of looking at specific details and characteristics of Othello which could support him, such as the fact that Othello married Desdemona, and the knowledge that both Othello and Desdemona were engaging in copulation. At this point, Iago’s revenge would begin to take place.

Iago wasn’t a powerful man, and could never be labeled as a brute, or a fighter. For him to battle Othello would simply be consumption, and a waste of time, since he is simply no match for him physically. However, this would not stop him from attacking; being that Iago was able to use rationality. He consistently confronted Othello, and many people close to him, engaging in conversations that brought everyone to believe Desdemona was cheating on her husband. Iago put on a performance, pretending to be a friend of Othello, but then acting as his enemy, too. Evidently, this made him two-faced, but a great actor as well. Iago’s plan worked so well that, in the end, Othello would end up killing his wife, and Michael Cassio’s reputation was ruined. In conclusion, Iago was very successful, despite the fact that he is limited when it comes down to physical battle, which didn’t stop him. Unfortunately, this intelligence, and such motivation, would have been better used in a righteous path, as opposed to a villainous path chosen by Iago.

Certain people or characters that have been included in history, plays, novels, or any forms of literature have been known for setting precedents, and influencing people. Shakespeare’s character Iago has influenced me majestically; he showed me that I can achieve anything, regardless of my physical strength, as long as I firmly put my mind to it. I myself am not very powerful in the physical sense; when I am about to enter a fight, all that is possible for me to do is back out of it, since chances are I would be defeated. Iago’s character shows me that none of this is of any significance because I can use my head. In the future, I won’t be able to have a job requiring physical labor or heavy lifting, but knowing that I can get a career working as an engineer, or working with computers, motivates me. If one of my friends is in trouble, or is about to make a bad decision, I could be able to get control of the situation, and convince him/her to do otherwise. Of course, I would never use such intelligence for evil, as Iago did. I’d do my best to help myself and others, and not for any selfish reasons.

Characters from novels, historical times, and even non-fiction stories can bring influence to all kinds of people. I was influenced by Iago, a character in Othello. This man wasn’t strong, nor was he a great fighter. His influence derives from how he attacked, and how he used his brain to obtain control of the situation. Iago demonstrates how one’s mind can overpower the body.
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Old 08-17-2009, 09:12 AM
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I don't understand the word "consumption" in this sentence. I would find different word.
"For him to battle Othello would simply be consumption, and a waste of time, since"

I also question your choice of "rationality."

consider "astute and manipulative connivance" or something along that order.

.....and his brain not so much overpowered the body but overpowered the course of events to obtain the desired ends.

Now this brings up a whole can of worms.... does the ends justify the means? but I wouldn't get into that too much in this essay
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  #18  
Old 08-17-2009, 09:22 AM
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Well I'm going to give my college counselor both versions, I'll see which she likes more.
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