If I Died
"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?"

"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?"

"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife.

"No, of course not, dear," said the husband.

"Don't you like being married?" said the wife.

"Of course I do, dear," he said.

"Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry."

"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt.

"Yes," said the husband.

"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a longpause.

"Well yes, I suppose I would," replied the husband.

"I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wearmy old clothes?"

"I suppose, if she wanted to," said the husband.

"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down thepictures of me and replace them with pictures of her?"

"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do."

"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And Isuppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."

"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She is left handed."

I was playing golf one day, with a man I did not know. We met at the first tee and as we both alone we decided to play together. We chatted as we played. On the 5th hole, I said to my new friend, I live right over there, just beside the tall oaks. He remarked that he liked my house. As we walked the fairway, I asked him what he did for a living. To my amazment he said he was a hitman. I was shocked and said what do you mean? He said I kill people for money, and out of his golf bag pulled a rifle with a large telescopic sight. I was astounded but intrigued. I asked him if I could look through the sights. He gave me the rifle and I looked through the telescopic sights. As we were on the 5th hole I looked up at my house and I could see though the large window at the front. There was my wife, naked, dancing with my next door neighbour, also naked. I was shocked and disgusted. I asked new friend, how much do you charge. He said I charge $1000 for each target. I said can you then shoot my wife and my neighbour, and I would gladly pay $2000, but because my wife always has too much to say, you must shoot her in the mouth, and because my neighbour always boasts about his sexual exploits, shoot him in the dick. He said, fine. He took his rifle, loaded it and took aim. After about 5 minutes of taking aim I said, what are you waiting for. He hang on ' I'm trying to save you money.